My ministry calling has allowed me to build relationships with people who serve in a similar capacity as mine. Whether it was in the pastorate or in state convention work, I have always benefited from times with ministry colleagues.
Proverbs 27:17 is an often-used verse to describe the value of relationships of this type. The well-known proverb says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 ESV).
The King James Version has a slightly different translation from the original language. It reads, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Apparently, the word “countenance” meant more than the appearance on one’s face in 17th century English. It could include one’s overall demeanor or attitude. Iron sharpening iron relationships strengthen us in many ways. Here are five:
1. They encourage us: I meet occasionally with state convention executive directors. There are only 41 in the United States. We fulfill a ministry assignment that is unique. When we are together we encourage one another to stay faithful and keep striving to advance the Great Commission in our assigned ministry contexts. I leave these meetings encouraged from fellowship with good men who love the Lord and the local churches in their state as well as the leaders who serve those churches.
2. They challenge us: In every group I have been part of over the years, there has inevitably been a person or two who took a different perspective, or thought outside the box, on issues being discussed. I have not always cherished those brothers — but in time have come to appreciate their perspective. They challenge me to look at things from a different angle.
According to one online article, “William Wrigley Jr. built a company and a fortune by selling chewing gum in the United States and around the world. In a 1931 interview in ‘The American Magazine,’ Wrigley said that he preferred an employee with backbone who was willing to challenge him and sometimes tell him ‘I think you’re wrong.’” The healthiest collegial relationships are the ones where each person feels free to give gentle pushback or challenge.
3. They confront us: More than once I have seen strong leaders give needed confrontation to other strong leaders. There are times when we need a ministry colleague to encourage us to hang in there and keep pressing on, and there are other times when we need a ministry friend to tell us that we were completely out of line in something we said or did. Proverbs 27:6 reminds us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
4. They minister to us: There is something comforting about being with ministry colleagues, whether they be fellow local church pastors, elders with whom you have had years of ministry or ministry leaders you have gotten to know over time and with whom you have survived leadership trenches. The ministry of presence, Romans 12:15, happens in those settings.
5. They make us better: One of the greatest benefits of having healthy relationships with ministry colleagues is that they make us better. I have always benefited from being around people who are better at preaching, leading, caring, writing, speaking and more than I am. Being around those people rubs off on each of us and has the potential to make us better at what we do.
While ministry leadership can be incredibly lonely, we do not have to do it all alone. There are others who do what we do and with whom we can build intentional relationships over time. Collegial relationships require that we position ourselves where others are.
They also require an investment of time and energy. They require that we listen more than we talk and that we give more than we get. God can use these relationships to make us better. They are valuable and I hope you are putting yourself out there to grow from ministry colleagues. You will be a better leader if you do.
Dr. Todd Gray 