Every seasoned pastor or ministry leader has been, or will be, attacked at some point in their ministry. I’m not talking about the run-of-the-mill criticism that we all receive — and oftentimes deserve. I’m talking about a full-frontal attack including name-calling, verbal threats, yelling and the like.
Why do people attack leaders?
- We live in a fallen world and sometimes people act out their fallenness instead of their sanctification.
- Leaders make mistakes, which can raise the ire of those we are called to serve.
- People have been hurt and, as the adage reminds us, hurt people hurt people.
- People need someone to blame, and leaders are easy targets.
None of these explanations excuse us from the sin of attacking a Christian brother or sister, but it may help explain why we do what we do.
As a leader, what can you do when you are attacked? Here are some suggestions:
1. Don’t retaliate. The temptation to get even with someone who has hurt you is strong — but “even” is never what we get. Retaliation takes justice into your own hands and only makes matters worse. Attempts to get even will not solve the problem and could bring a higher level of threat.
2. Listen closely to the attack. There may be a kernel of truth in what the person is saying, even though they are wrong in the way they are saying it. I am not suggesting you give credence to the exaggerations of an angry ranting person. I am encouraging you to listen to see if there is something they say that can be helpful to you in your professional and spiritual development.
3. Prioritize your safety and the safety of others. Many people are mentally and emotionally on edge these days and all of us must be aware that a verbal assault can become a physical one. Be careful when someone is yelling at you.
4. Process in prayer. Take the attack to Jesus, our Wonderful Counselor, and let Him minister to you. Jesus can help us understand that He, too, was attacked and neither His love for us, nor the Father’s plan, are diminished in any way while we are being castigated.
5. Process with a trusted friend. Having someone who knows and loves you listen to the details of the attack can help alleviate some of the sting and can protect you from that internal voice that may give too much validity to what has been said or done.
6. Pray for your attacker. One evidence of your own sanctification is the ability to forgive and pray for the one who has attacked you. They are likely fighting their own battles. Praying for them can soften your heart toward them.
7. Lean in relationally when appropriate. You may discover that your attacker is a bully, and they will go on and attack others, or you may discover they are deeply saddened over how they treated you and want to make things right. Lean in as appropriate and see what the Lord does.
One faithful brother who was no stranger to personal attacks was encouraged by words from his Heavenly Father that reminded him, “My grace is sufficient for you.” It is sufficient for us, as well.
Dr. Todd Gray 