John Maxwell has often said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” While the origin of that quote is uncertain, its impact is not lost on leaders.
Some of the members of one church I served questioned whether I really loved them. Of course I did. I don’t see how you enter — or survive — in Christian ministry leadership if you don’t love people. We are in the people business, and we are called to serve others. A life of service is propelled and sustained by a heart of compassion for people. However, as a young pastor I had not learned to demonstrate love for that congregation in ways it could be seen.
Many leaders care deeply for people, but they tend to first notice the tasks that need to be done to advance the mission. Demonstrating care for others, while important, is not the first thing they notice unless someone is in obvious pain or distress.
How can pastors and ministry leaders make sure that we care well for those we serve and those we serve with? Here are some suggestions for your consideration:
1. Pray for a heart of compassion. Jesus not only loved people, but He felt love for them. Matthew 9:36 describes Jesus when seeing the crowds and condition of people: “Seeing the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and downcast, like sheep without a shepherd.” Feelings of compassion can drive us to do what is needed to help people. We must demonstrate care and love for others whether we feel compassion or not — but since Christ lives in us, He can help us have a heart of compassion for those we serve and lead.
2. Learn from those who do this well. Some people are naturally wired to care for others. They are keenly aware of what others are feeling and the pain they are experiencing, and they move toward others with love and compassion. These nurturers hurt when others hurt. Since iron sharpens iron, (Proverbs 27:17), we can grow in our love and care for others by spending time with those who do this well. Pay attention to these people and listen to them when they tell you that one of your co-workers or church members is having a hard time.
3. Take time to get to know those around you. Many of us are so focused on the urgent and important tasks of the day we barely take time to get to know those around us. What a shame it would be to work closely with someone for years and never get to ‘know’ that individual. Do you know the names of the spouse or children of those you work with most closely? If not, then you may need to take time to get to know them better.
4. Listen to other’s stories without turning the conversation back to yourself. Some of us have a nasty habit of making everything about ourselves. One online training organization refers to this practice as “boomeranging.” “We boomerang when we hear someone’s story, question or dilemma, and we tell a detailed, often emotional anecdote about our own situation, never returning to the original discussion. Allow others to tell their stories without boomeranging it back to a story about you. This shows that you care enough to listen and engage in their life rather than talking about your own.
5. Talk to others about more than work or ministry projects. People who care about others often ask about family, hobbies, health, interests and more. While work is important — especially Christian ministry related work — the people we care about are more than the work they do. To learn to care well for people we need to be intentional about learning more about them.
6. Ask people how they are doing and then take time to listen. I have been guilty — still am sometimes — of asking someone how they are doing while walking briskly past them. When I do that, I am communicating that I really do not care how they are doing. That is ridiculous behavior on my part, and it must change. My guess is that I am not the only one.
7. Keep praying and keep growing in this area. For those of us who are a little more task-driven, the change we desire will not come quickly or easily — real change seldom does. The great news for us is that God is at work in us to make us more like His Son. We must not give up hope. I am guilty of focusing too much on work and not enough on people, but the good news is that by God’s grace I can change — and so can you.
Dr. Todd Gray 