‘Mr. or Mrs. No’ are fictional names of real people in many Baptist churches. They are people who possibly mean well but over time have developed a stranglehold on the growth and health of their church. They possess an outsized influence and people either like them, are afraid of them or are determined to overlook them.
Mr. or Mrs. No make life difficult for pastors. Not because they always say “no” to everything the pastor wants to do, but because they have never learned to cooperate with pastors for the well-being of the church.
Mr. or Mrs. No thrive in smaller churches because there are fewer people to challenge them and because their tenure and work in the church provides a level of stability for the congregation.
How can pastors minister to these church members?
1. Pray for them: Pray for them, and for yourself. Ask God to help you have a healthy working relationship with them. Ask the Lord to touch their hearts for the things that matter most to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you care well for them while God is doing a work of sanctification in their lives, and in yours.
2. Reason with them: Help them understand that their influence can be used for the good of the church and the advancement of the Great Commission. Help them understand that when they challenge a pastor publicly and frequently that they risk being disrespectful to God-appointed leaders and they may hinder the unity and health of the church.
3. Build a relationship with them: 1 Corinthians 13 shows followers of Jesus how to love one another. Paul writes in verses 4-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” God calls us to love each other and when it comes to building a relationship with a Mr. or Mrs. No, then 1 Corinthians 13 is a good place to meditate and ask God for help in loving this challenging church member.
4. Correct them: Wrong behavior in a local body of believers much be corrected. The Apostle Paul wrote to Titus, “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,” (Titus 3:10). Mr. or Mrs. No deserves the benefit of correction. It is possible they are being intentionally difficult and intend to make a church fit into their own image. It is also possible they mean well and would benefit from loving correction from a pastor or elder who has learned to shepherd them well.
5. Work with them: Romans 12:18 admonishes us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Leaders must communicate to a Mr. or Mrs. No that they will do their best to work with them in as many ways as they can, but that they will not abdicate their responsibility to lead the mission of the church.
6. Shepherd them: To shepherd a flock requires that we meet people where they are and make every God-empowered effort to lead them to greater faithfulness in Christ. This is often slow work requiring much prayer and patience on the part of the pastors. While we cannot control the outcomes of our efforts, we can decide to do our best to care well for people. If we shepherd people well and make every effort to work with them, then when the time comes to confront a Mr. or Mrs. No, we will know that we have done our best and can trust the Lord for the outcomes.
May the Lord continue to strengthen you and give you wisdom as you strive to shepherd the flock God has assigned to you.
Dr. Todd Gray 